I’m living on my own now. It’s been tough. My eating is all over the place. I’m sick of throwing up everything I eat. I’m tired of worrying about how long I have to throw everything up. Thinking about what I’m going to eat, and how much. I’m sick of worrying about calories in rediculous things, then eating high call food and vomiting it. I’m sick of everything. I don’t wand to be anorexic or bulemic. I don’t want to waste money on food I will throw out, or throw up. I am on my own now.

I’m tired of focusing emotions I should be dealing with into an eating disorder. I’m annoyed that working full time and trying to find a better job leaves me no time to see my therapist. I’m sick of being unsure about relationships, or friendships, or time or money. I just want everything to stop being so crazy. But I know it won’t unless I do something about it myself.

So I have decided. This was the last time I throw up. This was the last time I eat food I know I can’t keep down. I need a plan. To eat something small every few hour. I need to go back to the beginning, and no one can do it but me.  I need to make a routine. Meals every few hours, some light exercise and some free time to think and write.

I should try to journal every day. I will try to write my progress down here.


1 Comment »

  1. Sara Said:

    I know that this has been almost a year ago, but I feel like commenting nonetheless. The strength that you exude in this entry is very inspiring to me, a recovering anorexic/bulimic. I don’t know how you have fared since this entry, but I just wanted to say… stay strong.

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