I finally understand the point of the inner child exercise I was supposed to do in groups back in July. To connect to her and see her, and realize she is you.
The other night I was reading a very inspiring book, “Captivating”. I came to a passage that described a little girl trying on clothes dressing up, and flitting from place to place asking, “Am I Lovely?”. I realized that now that I have come to a place where I can be alone and work through things by myself, my “inner child” is emerging again. All the things I buried are rising from their graves. I have started looking into clothing, make-up, hair. I spend time trying to look pretty, trying on different styles, different looks. I realized that I have started experimenting and playing like that little girl again. I dress up, and primp, and find myself wondering, “Am I Lovely?”.
Something in me has connected these two again, my inner child and me. I can see her looking up through me and ask, “Do you think I’m beautiful”. And I know now that I can’t keep responding with, no, go away, you need to starve. I look at her now, and she’s a girl. You just can’t say things like that to a child. She’s a girl, and I love her, and I want to protect her. I know now I need to be careful who I let her ask that question of, who I let her come out to. I want her to get only positives feedback. More importantly, I know I have to give her love, and acceptance, and build her up. I know she is me, and I love her.
I am learning to love myself. Learning to come out of my shell.
This book brought back something else to. My need for adventure. It get’s that every woman wants to be involved, and vital in something larger than themselves, something important. I have denied my need for that for years. Denied that I wanted it. Found it too childish, something to be ashamed of. I understand now that that is not that case. These dreams I have, wishes and desires…they deserve to be recognized. If they have been along this long, they are worth perusing. They are not childish, or immature, they are important pieces of who I am. Core desires of my being. They should not be pushed aside or filed away.
So I have decided, to slowly but surely open up and allow this person to come to light. I will make sure to protect her, and defend her, until she is strong enough to do it herself, lol. I am, in a sense, “raising myself”. Maybe more accurately, I am finding myself.
So here is to my “inner child”. She is beautiful.
